Update and Happy New Year!

Sorry for the lack of update. With the holidays, and all the trial & error with the meds, there wasn’t much to report along the ADD front.

Since my last update, I’ve been through Methylin (generic Ritalin), Dexadrine (Barr), with no success. My pdoc even had me double up on the Dex. All I got was a dry mouth & a big fat migraine! Ugh!

That left me with the Adderall as the last of the three choices she presented me with. I didn’t want to try it initially, despite all the success stories, because I had heard about these horrible headaches. I already am prone to migraines and I’m a total wimp when it comes to migraine pain.

Surprisingly, within an hour of the 20mg Adderall XR (Shire) dose, I just cried. No drugged feeling. No speeded up feeling. Just calm. Peaceful serenity (for this Type A girl). It wasn’t a “brain kick” like I’ve heard some people describe it. I didn’t “feel” anything, I just did things. Concentrated on things. Finished things! I actually did housework!

I’m now on Day Three with no side effects, other than the obligatory dry mouth. My appetite is much lower, but I am really making an effort to try to eat small meals and stay really hydrated.

My Bupropion dose was doubled as well, and that also seems to be working out nicely.

Some people have mentioned a “crash” on Adderall — even the XR — but I have not noticed one. I “hovered” on the edge of a headache last night, but it may just be a remainder from the migraine. It never became a full-blown headache, not even a dull throb. I didn’t have a problem with sleep. And, unlike some stories with XR, it actually lasted the whole day & well into the evening!

I’ve had the energy to tackle homework with the kids. Not every little noise they make irritates me or seeps into my sub-conscious.  I’ve actually had patience with squabbles and disciplinary stuff. It’s been nothing short of amazing. Hubby is keeping a running tally of the changes he’s seeing, as well, to validate my findings.

Color me one happy Mama!

Tired: Literally and Figuratively

I’m tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of being depressed. Tired of a medication that is not working. Tired of needing to have a nap (sometimes 2!) daily. Tired of waiting for the new prescription. Tired of ADD, and having no motivation, no desire to do anything except sitting around hyperfocusing and crankily ranting!

Switching Meds

After several days on Methylin (Ritalin) with negligible effect, my doctor has given me the choice to switch to Adderall or Dextroamphetamine. After some research, I chose the Dex, because I heard that, though slightly more effective, the Adderall can cause severe headaches and I am prone to migraines.

Day Four, Big Whoop

Day Four on Methylin (Ritalin) is pretty much the same as Day 1….uneventful. The difference is, I am at the full dosage prescribed me – 20mg daily.

Yeah, I wake up faster, but takes a little longer to go to sleep (even though I take the last dose about 9 hours before bedtime). I feel tired, but my thoughts are still going strong. Saw a slogan yesterday that captures this: “My mind is like a banana tree full of monkeys chattering for attention.”

I have a bit more energy. Enough to get me up and at ‘em. I haven’t had many negative self-talks. Not much depression going on. But certainly there’s not much motivation either. Did the dishes today, but I really thought I would see a bit more in terms of clarity, concentration and motivation.

Maybe it’s time for a check-in with my doctor . . .

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night!

Night driving has always been problematic for me. The headlights from oncoming traffic not only distract me, they actually hurt my eyes.

After being somewhat discouraged yesterday about not feeling anything from the meds, I gradually upped the dose (within the parameters my doctor set for me for incremental increases). This morning I took 5mg. Usually, I am very groggy in the mornings. In college, anything before 11am was a sure bet for a C or less….Though slightly tired from the busy week this week (all three children were in a theatrical production this weekend, and we’ve had rehearsals, etc.), I “woke up” much faster than usual.

Further, I felt more “aware” of my surroundings, not like “zoned out.” For my afternoon dose, I took the remaining half of yesterday’s half-tablet, along with another 5mg. Wow! It was as if the fog lessened at bit. I think I still need to go up to the full 20mg per day total, but driving was finally a treat!

I am usually a terrible driver. I’ve had accidents, ridden over the curb, difficulty gauging parking spaces (as in, depth perception issues, maybe??), lead foot, slamming on the brakes because I didn’t notice the car slowing/stopped in front of me…But none of that happened! And, the oncoming traffic didn’t bother me, either!

Not a huge difference in motivation, but definitely an improvement on a small scale! Though my doctor gave me papers to fill out, I am finding this site much more effective in tracking my progress (and in far more detail).

(Hat tip to ADD Forums for the site recommendation!)

Aaaaaaaaand…….Nothing!

Got the Ritalin today. Read up on it online. Talked to the pharmacist for awhile. Took the lowest possible dose – 1/2 of a 5mg tablet. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip. I felt like Hammer: It didn’t touch me.

I told my husband this morning that I thought I might be setting myself up. That even if the meds worked (and at that point I hadn’t tried it yet, so I assumed today’s dose would at least be felt!) I wouldn’t be suddenly cured of ADD. So, I thought maybe I was setting myself up for disappointment……and, I did. Nothing happened.

So I guess we increase the dose to a whole 5mg tab tomorrow morning and see what happens…

On The List Of The Things That I Will Not Miss…

In the movie Lost Horizon, Olivia Hussey and Sally Kellerman sing about swapping cultures. One has lived a quiet sedate life,  the other a very busy life. They each list things they will not miss about the life they are leaving behind, as they embrace a new life, in a new culture.

This song, Things I Will Not Miss, has been stuck in my head for the last couple of days and has become a metaphor for the change I feel is to take place.

After a conversation yesterday, my doctor and I decided to try a course of Ritalin to see how I respond. Though I have tried many different medications for the depression that is often “co-morbid” with ADD, I’ve never taken anything for the ADD. In fact, the doctor who diagnosed me 11 years ago, after the birth of my first child, said I was a “high functioning” ADDer. Riiiiight.

Maybe as a female, I “mask” it better, because “we women multi-task” but, just as I am exceptionally creative, I’m also woefully ADDlicious.

So, this thought – this hope – that maybe, finally, I will see what life is like through a “normal brain” is making me create my own list of the Things I Will Not Miss About ADD:

• DWA (Driving While ADD!): I will not miss the accidents, or the night driving with the shiny lights from oncoming traffic distracting and actually hurting my eyes.
• Tuning out my children when they are talking about things that are not interesting to me. Yeah, a lot of parents do that, and some might argue it’s a useful thing to be able to tune that out, but as an ADDer, I feel as though I’ve tuned out a little more than is healthy for building relationships, at times.
• Interrupting: I’m a constant interrupter. I just can’t wait for you to finish. In fact, sometimes you are just not interesting, and I’d really like to get to my point, which is infinitely more interesting! Ugh! I’ve always had such poor social skills. They’ve definitely improved over the Childhood Version of My ADD (ADD 1.0), but still, I list it as something I will not miss.
• Losing track of time: Thinking that and hour is “only a few minutes.” As in, “I’m just going to pop into this bookstore for “a few minutes” and coming out to find I’ve been gone for ages.
• Not waiting until the absolute last second for everything: Dashing out trying to hurry to be on time when you know it’s an impossibility; doing something at the last minute because it was boring and now you’re back is against a wall and you have to (and it’s still boring!!)

There are probably a ton of other things, but those are the main ones on my list of Things I Will Not Miss. I don’t know if I am setting myself up for failure or not. Maybe “normacly” is overrated. Maybe Ritalin won’t work for me. Maybe lots of things….but I’m still excited to try.

I’ll see you on the other side!

Introductory Post: Why me; why this blog

I’m a lifelong ADDer on the long journey toward wellness. I’m in search of that elusive “normal brain,” and that life I dream that “normalcy” brings.

I’m funny. I’m dramatic. I’m uniquely me, so if you think posts about “monthly visitors,” or the descent into the Seventh Circle of Meopausal Heck is TMI; or realistic reports from the front lines of ADD parenting will forever shatter your illusions of “perfect parenting” this is not the blog for you. that was my most Lemony Snicket warning.